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Text of title superimposed over image with surrounding clouds. At the top, a heart with wings, with indecipherable Latin text coming up from the top of the heart. Underneath the heart is a globe on a stand, with indecipherable Latin text. There are two chains, one on either side, each with Latin text, one held by a woman depicted with many faces standing on a platform with Latin text [Opinio], and the other held by a blindfolded woman, wearing a toga, with keys tied to her waist, standing on a platform with Latin text [Ignorantia].
Underneath the globe is the outline of a heart, with the title text inside. It is therefore a most necessary caution for young Women, not to trust too much to their own Conduct, but to own their dependance on those, to whom God and Nature has subjected them, and to look on it not as their restraint and burden, but as their shelter and protection. For where once the autority of a Parent comes to be despis'd, tho in the lightest instance, it laies the foundation of utmost disobedience.
She that will not be prescribed to in the choice of her ordinary diverting company, will less be so in chusing the fixt companion of her Life ; and we find it often eventually true, that those who govern themselves in the former, will not be govern'd by their friends in the later, but by pre-engagements of their own prevent their elections for them.
And this is one of the highest injuries they can do their Parents, who have such a native right in them, that 'tis no less an injustice then disobedience to dispose of themselves without them. This right of the Parents is so undoubted, that we find God himself gives way to it, and will not suffer the most holy pretence, no not that of a Vow, to invade it, as we may see his own stating of the case, Numb. How will he then resent it, to have this so indispensable a Law violated upon the impulse of an impotent passion, an amorous inclination?
Nor is the folly less then the sin: they injure and afflict their Parents, but they generally ruin and undo themselves. And that upon a double , first as to the secular part. Those that are so rash as to make such matches, cannot be imagined so provident as to examine how agreeable 'tis to their interest, or to contrive for any thing beyond the Marriage.
The thoughts of their future temporal conditions like those of the eternal can find no room amidst their foolish raptures ; but as if Love were indeed that Deity which the Poets feigned, they depend on it for all, and take no farther care. And event does commonly too soon instruct them in the deceitfulness of that trust ; love being so unable to support them, that it cannot maintain its self ; but quickly expires when it has brought the Lovers into those straits, from whence it cannot rescue them. So that indeed it does but play the decoy with them, brings them into the noose, and then retires.
For when secular wants begin to pinch them, all the transports of their kindness do usually convert into mutual accusations, for having made each other miserable. And indeed there is no reason to expect any better event, because in the second place they forfeit their title to the Divine Blessing ; nay, they put themselves out of the capacity… ].
Declarations and Pleas, etc. There are some self-conceited Fops, who, when they are in Love , entertain themselves with their own Passion, instead of the Person that causes it. Nay, the very will to do a thing, is as good as the thing done ; and his Head is as Sick, that but Fancies the thing done, as if he saw the very doing of it with his own Eyes.
The ways of a Woman that has a Mind to play Fast and Loose , are as unsearchable as the very thoughts of her Heart. A Man that's free and single, if he have Wit and Parts, may raise himself above his Fortune ; get into Companies, and live sometimes upon the square with the Best: This is more difficult to one that's hampered ; for Marriage, it seems, sets all things a-right, and confines every Man to the degree of his Condition. The one single disparity of Years, is of it self sufficient, without a more than ordinary Measure of Virtue and Prudence, to make a Man ridiculous.
Printed for E. Smith , and are to be sold by Rich. Wilkin at the King's-Head in St. Paul's Church-Yard. The two last Dialogues are to be understood to be a Recapitulation of what had been acted some time past, in order to introduce this part, and preserve the Connection of the History. The Daughter is now to be talked of, as having been married some Time.
The Son was gone to Travel, and having been returned into Flanders , was gone to his Post in the Army, where being in the Confederate Service, and commanded out upon Action, he fell in with a Party of the French , and being very much wounded in the Fight, was taken Prisoner and carried to Cambray ; from whence he wrote his Sister a Letter, of which in its Course. The new married Couple had for above two Years lived together, as they were at first with his Father, and her Aunt ; during which Time she had had two Children, and the Treatment she had met with there, had been so kind, so diverting and so obliging, That she could have no Reason to say that they had not perform'd fully the Engagement her Husband had made with her, to endeavour to make her forget the Affliction of the Breach with her Father.
Her Husband carried it with so much Tenderness and Affection to her, as was capable to engage and win a Temper far more Refractory than hers ; and by his obliging Carriage he prevented many little Excursions which her Inclination would otherways have led her too ; yet two things remained, 1st. She could not perswade herself to like a regular kind of Family Government ; She loved Company, which she had been accustomed to, and a little Play ; and when she made her Visits, would sometimes stay at Cards or other Diversions very late.
She could not bear to think of stooping to own her Misbehaviour to her Father, or to make any Submission to him; nor could her Husband, tho' he failed in no Endeavour, bring that Breach to an End without it. As her Family encreased, and on the other Hand her Ways were not very agreeable to the Family she was in, it seemed necessary, to think of settling themselves apart ; and her Husband having a very good House of his own near the City, it was resolved they should do so ; and accordingly as we say, they began Housekeeping.
And now began the Tryal of her Husband's Temper, and Patience to the utmost : The Case was thus, Being now to be a Master of a Family, he was obliged to take upon him the Charge of Family Government ; he had not only been religiously educated, but as has been before observed, was a very serious religious Gentleman himself, it was his Affliction, that he found very little Complaisance in his Wife to any thing that was religious ; and therefore he entred into no Conference with her about establishing the Orders of his Family ; but as soon as his House was furnished, and his Family removed, resolved like a true Christian to begin with the Worship of God in his House, and that he… ].
But it is in this as in some other nice Cases, where touching upon Malady tenderly, is half way to the Cure : And there are some Faults which need only to be observ'd to be amended. I shall conclude this Chapter, with a few practical Directions, by which a Man engag'd in this important State, may aim at securing himself a lasting Happiness ; since as Plutarch assures us, there can be nothing more useful in Conjugal Society than the Observance of wholesome Precepts, fruitable to the Harmony of the Matrimonial Commerce.
The first necessary Rule to this End, is, that in Marriage the chief Business is to acquire a Prepossession in Favour of each other. They should consider one anothers Words and Actions with a secret Indulgence: There should be always an inward Fondness pleading for each other, such as may add new Beauties to every thing that is excellent, give Charms to what is indifferent, and cover every thing that is defective.
For want of this kind… ]. Marriage is an Affair of that Consequence in Life, that it is great Imprudence in a young Lady to venture on it, without good Consideration ; great Ingratitude to do it, without Advice of Parents, Friends, etc. And lastly, great Folly to enter into it… ]. Ladies, I P you will confess, that I have undertaken a very great Task, it being an Age that the Men set a very high Value on themselves, insinuating with all the Assurance imaginable, that a Husband is the Summum Bonum of all sublunary Blessings, and the Want of a Husband is the greatest Affliction.
They would make you belive, that a noble Fortune, with all its agreeable Accommodations, such as a charming Dwelling, a pompous Equi, a rich furnish'd Table, fine Dress, a sincere and ingenious She-Friend, with whom you may divide your Sorrow, and double your Joys, and in whose Breast, as a sacred Repository, you may communicate the very Secrets of your Soul over a Pot of Milk or Tea : This, and more than all this, viz.
Dominion over yourselves, happy Freedom, and dear lov'd Liberty, is all nothing, it ifies nothing without a Husband. This is the Theme our Sex have so well improved and so cunningly managed, that you Ladies verily believe it yourselves as you do your Creed, and so 'twould be an Herculean Labour, to go about rectifying your Notions ; tho' by the way, if I had any Hopes of doing something to the Purpose in this Matter, I would, in Charity to the Fair Sex, spend the same Time that I intend in instructing you to get Husbands, in advising you to shun Mankind, as you value your Repose, at least till they make fairer Propositions.
Well then, Ladies, to come to the Business: If you de to marry, you must banish from your Countenance and Favour for ever four Sorts of Men, viz. For the admiring Addresses of any of these will only protract Time, and come to nothing ; for they not knowing their own Minds one Hour, will eternally teize you.
One while they'll be in all the Transports and Raptures of a passionate Lover ; the next Day forget they ever saw your Face. And should you, by wonderful Chance, catch Lysander in the Noose of Matrimony, you are not then within the Reach of the Church's Prayers. For out of Hell is no Redemption. Thus her Wisdom having got an Antagonist for Life, she must e'en fight her Way throughout to the Regions of Rest, and never finish her Combat till in her peaceful Grave. Beware, thirdly, of a Self-opinionated, grave, documenting Thing, the very Grand ior for Tyranny, … ].
Who is she that winneth the heart of man, that subdueth him to love, and reigneth in his breast? She is clothed with neatness, she is fed with temperance ; humility and meekness are a crown of glory circling her head. The tongue of the licentious is dumb in her presence ; the aw of her virtue keepeth him silent. When scandal is busy, and the fame of her neighbour is tossed from tongue to tongue ; if charity and good nature open not her mouth, the finger of silence resteth on her lip. Her breast is the mansion of goodness, and therefore she suspecteth no evil in others.
The Misfortune is, they want Perseverance in so good a De. For a while, they keep a closer guard upon themselves. Then soon again they indulge a careless Liberty, and will not bear the requisite Constraint to conquer their disobliging Humours, Habits, or Passions. Thus they are soon thrown back into their natural or customary Failings. Whereas a constant Care for a considerable while together, would work the proper Improvements into our very Nature ; or Custom itself would be in us, as it is in the Proverb, a second Nature.
Nothing in Effect is so difficult, but it becomes easy in Time. A long Slavery is scarce discerned from Liberty. A long continued Solitude grows in a manner natural, tho' Nature has made us sociable. What we habitually Will, becomes as it were necessary, and almost ceases to be voluntary. A long continued Custom, by the Authority of Time, stands a Law. It will as certainly pass into a natural, as into a legal kind of Necessity. We find that good and bad Habits, plead also a kind of Prescription in the Government of particular Persons ; and as Custom is very prevalent in other things, so it is also in the Methods of Conversation.
With Regard indeed to moral Good, or Evil, there is this Difference, that as corrupted Nature le to Sin, so vicious Habits are more easily contracted, and more difficult to be broken off, than the contrary. And therefore with Regard to such Failures in Conversation, as either directly are from Vice, or intermixt with irregular Passions, we must be more careful than in other Defects, not to let them grow into a Habit.
We see how strong either Nature, or Habits are, even separately. What do we think they will prove, when united? Defects, when fixt upon that double Title, will prove almost insuperable. For it is not only in Passions, but also in Humours which are grounded in them, or increased by them, as it is in Rivers. The Similitude is so well known, that it is scarce a Metaphor to speak of the Stream of Passions. Rivers small in their Beginnings, as they advance in their Course, become more absolute in their Power.
Easily turned off at first, they soon roll along too strong for Opposition, and even made stronger by it. Receiving new Supplies from smaller Rivulets, … ]. If you take an Apprentice, do not let the Bribe of so much Money paid down at ing his Indentures, or the Prospect of a seven Years Service, induce you to accept one of an untoward Disposition, evil Inclination, or unprincipled in Virtue and Good Manners : It is not to be imagined that Disorders such will create in your Family, and what Vexation to yourself : But, for the sake of good Qualities, sober Education, and a tractable, obliging Temper, abate in the Consideration.
Peace is worth infinitely more than Money, since Money cannot purchase it ; and, if such a one should fall to your Lot, treat him more like a Son than a Servant. Remember he is descended from your Equal, and that he will, one Day, be the same himself : Nor, when that Day comes, have Occasion to blush at Reproaches he may justly make, and you will be unable to answer : In fine, look back into your own Life, to recollect what you suffered, or expected, when in the same Circumstance yourself.
And, looking forward, imagine what Sort of Treatment you would wish a Master should use to of your own. I have promised you to treat more at large of your Choice of a Wife : It is now a proper Place to make it good. For, though this Topic is, at present, much too early for your Consideration, I am willing thus far to disarm Death of his Sting, and while I yet live, give you the Instructions which, when more seasonable, may be out of my Power. The shrewd Mr. Osborne , in his Advice to his Son, is pleased to insinuate, that it is the Creature of Policy only ; adding, The wily Priests Roman Catholics are so tender of their own Conveniences, as to forbid all Marriage to themselves, upon as heavy Punishment, as they do Poligamy unto others.
Now, if nothing capable of the Name of Felicity, was ever, by Men or Angels, found to be denied to the Priesthood, may not Marriage be strongly suspected to be by them thought out of the List, though to render it more glib to the wider Swallow of the long abused Laity, they have gilt it with the glorious Epithet of Sacrament?
I will add no Comment on this Passage, but leave you to make what Conclusion you please. But, if you rather incline to venture on this critical State, I charge you to look upon it as a point on which your whole happiness and Prosperity depend, and make your Choice with a becoming Gravity and Concern. I charge you likewise, with equal Earnestness, if by ill Fortune, or ill Conduct, your Affairs should be in Ruins, not to make Marriage an Expedient to repair them. I do not know a worse Kind of Hypocrisy, than to draw in the Innocent and Unsuspecting, by false Appearances, to make but one Step from Ease and Affluence, to all the Disappointment, Shame, and Misery of a broken Fortune.
If, therefore, you must sink, sink alone, nor load yourself with the intolerable Reflection … ]. Shall we forget the Counsel we have shar'd. Shakespear's Midsummer Night's Dream. I will not offend her with any more Sollicitations, but wait for what may, tho' I suppose it will not happen, a Change of her Inclination in my Favour. Sir Will. I have only one Question and yet I dare not ask it.
I claim no Merit from my Passion, and I have therefore no right to expect an Answer ; and yet I must request of you, my Lady, to propose it : Is there not some other who takes that Place in the Lady's Favour, which had there been no such happy Man, I might have obtained. Miss Fash. I dont know, Sir, that a Person whose Addresses I never received, has any right to ask me ; but if it be you … ]. Can wealth give Happiness? Whatever fortune lavishly can pour The mind annihilates, and calls for more.
Wealth is a cheat, believe not what it says, Like any Lord it promises and — pays. How will the miser startle to be told Of such a wonder as insolvent gold? What nature wants has an intrinsick weight ; All more , is but the fashion of the plate, Which for one moment, charms the fickle view, It charms us now , anon we cast anew, To some fresh birth of fancy more inclin'd : Then wed not acres, but a noble mind. If your fancy and judgment have agreed in the choice of a fit person for your wife, love so, that you may be feared ; rule so, that you may be honoured ; be not too diffident, lest you teach her to deceive you ; nor too suspicious, lest you teach her to abuse you : If you see a fault let your love hide it ; if she continue in it, let your wisdom reprove it : Reprove her not openly, lest she grow bold ; rebuke her not tauntingly, lest she grow spiteful : Proclaim not her beauty, lest she grow proud ; boast not of her wisdom, lest you be thought foolish : Let her not see your imperfections, lest she disdain you ; profane not her ears with loose communication, lest you defile the sanctuary of her modesty : An understanding husband makes a discreet wife, and she a happy husband.
Let your love advise before you choose, and your choice be fixed before you marry : Remember the happiness or misery of your life depends upon this one act, and that nothing but death can dissolve the knot ; he that weds in haste, repents oftentimes by leisure ; and he that repents of his own act, either is, or was a fool by his own confession.
A single life is doubtless preferable to a married one, where prudence and affection do not accompany the choice ; but where they do, there is not terrestrial happiness equal to the married state. In the choice of a wife say the Spaniards we ought to make use of our ears, and not of our eyes.
There cannot be too near an equality, too exact an harmony betwixt a married couple ; it is a step of such weight, as calls for all our foresight and penetration ; and especially … ]. Prohibited goods are always greedily sought after, and the heavier the duties upon them, the more powerfully do they attract our attention. Or are you one of those husbands, who, in order to roam with the greater freedom, wink at the ramblings of their wives?
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