Lonely and its my birthday

Added: Blong Padua - Date: 01.11.2021 00:50 - Views: 23154 - Clicks: 3537

I hope someone out there is reading this. I posted a thread similar to this in December. My health is declining. I had a very traumatic childhood as I have discussed on here. Lonliness, neglect, rejection, abandonment and lack of love and nurturing from an Alcoholic Mother was the norm until I was taken away from her by the courts at the age of six. I have been in therapy both inpatient and outpatient most of my life.

I still attend therapy, and finally managed to overcome many obstacles, obtaining two college degrees, helping people, rescuing animals, etc. Everything changed, and I got sick in Panic attacks set in, major depressive disorder, I could no longer walk without severe back pain from a bad fall off a horse at a horse show. I had to get on opiods and steroid shots and file for social security disability. The same year, I lost my father.. I did nothing wrong. They were ashamed I think due to the fact of not wanting to understand mental illness. It was a character weakness to them.

No one came to my college graduation or congratulated me. It was because I went into the helping profession, instead of business, or a Doctor or lawyer. Nothing I did was ever good enough. He does at age 89 of congestive heart failure. He was still alive for two days before he died in hospital. Their excuse was that they did not know where to locate me. I called and called. His wife was mean to me as well, so she would just take his phone and delete my messages. I then sent him a beautiful card.

She opened it. Two months later, I get a very cold and aloof letter from my Aunt and Uncles Daughter who I was raised with saying she was sorry, but my father was passed, that he touched many lives, over people at his funeral, that he is in a better place, that they could not find me.

He told me he left me before his death an irrevocable trust fund. I just wanted him around, not his money, yet when he passed, I never saw a penny of it. My family knew I was poor at that time and could not hire an attorney, so I am sure someone took it. Everyone in my family, like my father are all Harvard Graduates.. I have nothing.

Fast forward to today. Time and Time again, it always ends the same. It goes great for a few months, then they reject me or abandon me. It usually happens when I have a friend or aqauintance here who has a car. Then I will make friends with someone else and slowly get to trust them.. Last week, I cried, the friend who I really cared for, came back from her classes. We had plans to have take out. But she seemed for the oast two weeks to be getting distant from me, the calls went from three times a day to one every other day, the long visits went from times a day to where she would come over and only stay for 5 minutes and rush off.

It is a rule here when residents visit other residents, doors are to be propped open. I was going off elevator to third floor kitchen, and I heard them laughing and talking loudly and gossiping about me. Saying how sorry they felt for me, all my emergency room visits, my rapid weight loss, one of them saying something untrue about bulimia.. Saying I was skin and bones and that I should be in a nursing home.. I got back in elevator, feeling devastated. I have not spoken to them since.

Nobody speaks to me now, they look down. Nobody will sit with me at functions. I come to my apartment and cry. I am overwhelmed with medical bills, no friends to help me, no family, no car, no security deposit. I am stuck here. Today is my birthday. No one has called, no birthday card. Who wants to be around a sick person. So, I sit here waiting for a laxative to work, lonely and sad. Emergency room is tired of me, but my doctors office does not know what they can do for me. I know that I am a burden to them. My bills are mounting and I am making payments, but several are going into collections.

My sponsor from my 12 step program has even left me. I have been off opiods went off cold turkey last April for almost a year, and I am not getting better. My digestive system and intestines have been ruined I am afraid, and I have noone, and nowhere to turn.

I just needed to get a year of distress of loneliness, abandonment and sadness out. Thank you for reading, if you have read this far. In your post you described nothing like happiness, yet I wish you a happy birthday, hoping you can have one moment of happiness in this day, be it as short as it will be. One smile, perhaps. Maybe right now…? I appreciate you bringing the intestinal dysfunction topic in your last thread and again here. People, including myself, are embarrassed, uncomfortable, feel awkward with our own intestines, especially when they dysfunction as in constipation.

It is almost as if… we chose for our body to include intestines and to process food the way it does. As if we chose it and made a bad choice. We were born that way. We have to be okay with the body we were born with. Doctors as well ignore the issue, dismiss it. It should be brought up, discussed, so to help each other. You wrote at the beginning of your thread that you rarely ask for anything in return for trying to help others in these Forums.

Well, if there is anything you want to ask today, here on your thread, please do. I have read many posts where you have tried to help you other people and I have always considered you and Anita a great people here on this website. I wish you a happy birthday and I really hope you feel better. You are a strong person, you have survived through so much and I believe you will survive this ordeal.

I am not wise but I think you are very wise person and I feel you can make new friends who will appreciate your presence. Maybe you try to attend few events around like couchsurfing events or internations and meet new people. Please write more here if you feel like…We are here for you. Happy Birthday Eliana. Today is your day and atleast here in Tiny Buddha world we are all singing Happy Birthday song for you and sending you lots of wishes and peace.

I hope God listens to your prayers and sends you much love and healing. You make a difference in lives of people here. Thank you for your kind and encouraging responses and birthday wishes. It really means alot to me. I will certainly take your advice and hang in there, and try to make better friends. I want to follow my passion of helping animals and homeless, but when you are constantly not feeling well, always on laxatives, it is hard.. My case manager keeps pushing me saying I would not be so depressed and lonely if I had purpose.

Keep posting here today, maybe it will cause you to feel less lonely. I hope you get transportation by someone to an animal shelter, maybe someone working there who needs help…? Recently I just got tired of doctors experimenting with medications, not-listening or wanting to work with me and decided to seek out an integrative health practitioner who is more willing to do so and to be open to other options like diet, mediation, or natural treatments in addition to traditional medications.

They also communicate and coordinate amongst other providers in their organization such as the psychiatric provider and physician working together. Perhaps you could look into this as well? I feel a lot better now eating healthier, eliminating gluten that was causing my body to attack my thyroid, and just the fact that she actually listens and takes a bit more time rather than just telling me what to do has been a big help emotionally. Also, like anita mentioned, I find that if you open up to people, especially those who work in compassionate jobs like the animal shelter, they might surprise you with their willingness to help, especially for someone else that has such a kind heart and desire to help animals and people.

And those who go through difficult things are often some of the most loving and kind people in this world. Thank you Anita, may you be blessed for giving so much compassion, kindness and support on this forum. God bless you. Hana, Hi.. I have looked into this. I really appreciate your kind response. And you are very correct, all of this would most certainly help me, however, I am on SSDI, and Medicare does not pay for these type of interventions. I am not eligible for Medicae. I am at a loss of what to do.

Thank you for your kind response, it means alot to me. All love and best wishes on your birthday Eliana. And belated congratulations on your degree and on your brave resolve last April. I hope you feel better soon. You are a huge reason why I love this website so much.

Lonely and its my birthday

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What a Lonely Birthday Taught Me