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So no pressure, but your entire romantic future here could be determined by your first few text messages—especially right now, when digital communications are more commonplace and safer than in-person interaction. The first text is always the hardest. How long do you wait to message that cute guy from the gym?
Dating columnist Dr. Nerdlove told us that you should always touch base sooner rather than later. Nerdlove recommends you text them in the same day or night to keep the emotional momentum going and to solidify yourself in their memory. Eric Klinenberg , a professor of sociology at New York University , organized hundreds of focus groups to decipher the modern dating landscape. As Ansari and Dr. A good first text will explain who you are and reference your interaction in some way.
That can make you over-think what you say and do on the date, instead of being your natural self. Since our whole world is so instant now, people can craft entire personas through their slew of texts. While making plans, be as direct as possible. During their focus groups, Ansari and Dr.
Make specific plans. Around 8-ish? King suggests that texts dependent on responses will leave you feeling anxious and insecure. Did they get my text? Did I offend them somehow? Are they ignoring me? The fewer direct questions you send their way, the fewer responses you have to stress about. Nerdlove recommends you always give them plenty of time to respond and always avoid being pushy:. Unless the two of you are already having a conversation - having moved from online dating to texting, for example or from when you met - text sparingly.
Good text conversation, according to Nerdlove, is like a tennis match. When you serve the first text, wait for him to return the ball and send one back:. A good rule of thumb is to keep it to one text per response per day. Ansari and Dr. Klinenberg said that bad grammar and spelling was considered a turn off in every interview they did with focus group participants. Generally, interviewees explained that it made the sender seem unintelligent and lazy. All in all, stick to correctly-spelled words and clear language—at least at first.
The punctuation you use matters as well. It might be a good idea to stop using them in texts across the board. At the same time, an exclamation point has been shown to make messages seem more sincere. The first almost looks angry, while the other one seems light and carefree. As Nerdlove explains, tone is incredibly difficult to gauge via text. If you want to use humor, Nerdlove suggests the safest route is to callback something from a interaction.
You should be especially cautious, however, of using sarcasm in your texts. It rarely re as well as it sounds in your head. If you really want to try, however, a study published in The Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology suggests that using some emoji, emoticons, or an ellipses can help. If you have a feeling something might be taken the wrong way, stop yourself. Laurel House , the author of Screwing the Rules: The No-Games Guide to Love , suggests you take another look at your text before you send it and read it out loud to yourself. Lastly, keep your selfies and other pictures to yourself unless it has been okayed by them.
Never send unsolicited anything. In writing Modern Romance , Ansari and Dr. According to their focus groups, texting back immediately can potentially make you seem overeager or desperate. So many people waste a lot of time and energy trying to figure out the exact right amount of hours or days to wait before responding. Sure, you can wait a few minutes so as not to appear completely overeager, but just respond when you see the message. What do you do? So excited! If not, it may be time to move on. When it comes to throwing in the towel, Nerdlove shares his golden rule:. One unreturned text could be tech problems.
Two unreturned texts could be bad luck or someone being busy. Three unreturned texts is a message. Move on. This story was originally published in November and updated on Nov. Do that. The A. Social GPS. By Patrick Allan. Photo: Getty Images Getty Images. Ella Jayne 10lb Weighted Snuggie Blanket. Continue reading. Health Social GPS.Text talk and date
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